Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Top Ten Compact Family SUVs (Eighth Place)-2011 Nissan Rogue

Do you remember the opening sequence of the iconic Britney Spears music video “Hit Me Baby One More Time” where she is staring at the school clock impatiently waiting the moment when she will finally be free from the monotony of it all? What does this have to do with my time testing a Nissan Rogue? More than you might think.

Well, even though I wasn’t wearing a Catholic School uniform during my test of a 2011 Nissan Rogue (that’s a scary visual), I was counting the minutes until my stint behind the wheel of this obnoxiously half-baked SUV would finally be over. I simply cannot imagine how horribly mind numbing it must be to own this smaller and dumpier sibling of the stylish Murano.

Yes, the Rogue is an inexpensive compact family SUV but that doesn’t mean it needs to feel so unremittingly cheap. The interior plastics have all of the tactile enjoyment inherent in holding hands with Freddy Krueger and the seat fabric acts as a magnet for pet fur and dirt.

Lastly, the glues and chemicals used in the assembly of the Rogue make turn the “new car smell” into something unremittingly “Toxic.” Get it? Britney? Her Grammy winning hit song “Toxic?” Seriously, turn on a radio.

I had the tremendous misfortune of testing the tacky and tasteless Rogue edition which was about as classy as the red pleather jumpsuit Britney wore in the “Oops I Did it Again” video. The wholly overdone side sill extenders, center mounted twin exhaust pipes spouting out of the rear bumper, the ridiculous grille and the enormous rear spoiler had passing streetwalkers shouting, “Tone it down girl!”

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